Holding Back

Love.

Love, they say, is the most powerful emotion known to mankind. Even though I have experienced it, I am still terrified of it. It is not something to be dealt with lightly.

I have told someone that I loved them while still being unsure of it. When we me one another face to face, I knew I didn’t love him. I was in love with the idea of him. The animosity of loving him over the internet.

I love to a fault but hold caution when it comes to falling in love. I have both hurt and been hurt when it comes to being in love. If I can spare another human being from heartbreak from me not being so sure of my love, then I will.

At the same time, however, I am scared to fall in love. What if I give my love, my heart, my soul to the wrong person again? Why am I even holding my love back when it is something that should be freely given? There is no reward without risk.

Not every person is the same. Not every person wants to manipulate or hurt me. So why is it, even knowing that to be true, I am still cautious to love? Is it because I was hurt so deeply the first time?

I have no answer. But I do know I have been holding back as of late. In a lot of different ways.

Pure, unconditional love is what I’ve always wanted. Now I’m standing before the demons of my past in silence. Mulling over what I can do or say to make them back down.

Breathe.

Don’t think. Just do.

Love shouldn’t be so hard. It’s the easiest thing to do. Stop over thinking. Just give yourself over to the feeling.

Some words of wisdom:

Age is only a number. You won’t care about the person’s age if they are meant to be.

Fall in love with a soul, not a body.

Fall in love using your heart. Not your eyes.

There is time to obsess over the future. Experience the now.

Never be so obsessed with the end, you miss the beginning.

Don’t be so scared of the fall that you miss the feeling of weightlessness. Don’t stress over if the person will catch you. Trust wholeheartedly that they will. Otherwise, it’s not really love without trust.

Love is nothing without trust and respect.

Communication is key. How are they supposed to fall in love with you over and over if they don’t know what you’re feeling or going through?

Every day is a new adventure. Don’t forget to live it. Even if it is just sitting on the couch in sweats binging on Netflix.

Let them in. Tell them your secrets, hopes, and dreams. Let them become part of your life. It’s not so easy to fall in love with someone you don’t know. (No matter what the books or movies say.)

Don’t. Hold. Back. If you’re going to fall in love, do it with everything you have.

Let them save you, so you can save them right back.

Breathe in. Exhale. Breathe in. Exhale. Don’t think. Just do. Forget the past and start living now.

Remember you are breathing.

Sincerely,

LifeBlocked

Love <3

Have you ever met anyone that has made you want to be a better person? A person that makes you want to live healthier? A person that makes you want to do everything you’ve ever been scared to do? Well I have.

I feel like for the first time, that wall I call a LifeBlock is being torn down. This person has asked nothing of me and yet I want to do everything for them. I’m finding that I want to live life.

I remember reading an article that explained the body knows within the first 12 seconds of meeting someone whether if it’s in love or not. (or something like that) But am I in love? To tell the truth, I don’t know. I believe I might be scared to fall in love.

Love is messy. It turns up down and down up. Love can rip your heart out, chew it, spit it out, then set it on fire to turn it to ash. But can someone truly live without having loved? I think it’s safe to say that everyone knows the answer to that.  A big, fat NO!

I’ll be totally honest, I’m one of those girls that dreams of True Love. You know the kind. Dancing in the rain together, heart beats out of your chest, only one person on your mind. Do I believe in Soul Mates or The One? Hell yes. I want a love that will last the ages. The kind you see in movies or, if you’re like me, the ones you read in all of the romance novels.

I think I might be more in love with the idea of love than anything else. I daydream about living the married life to a faceless man. Where I’m the stay at home wife and my husband comes home to me cooking/baking. Am I more in love with the idea of being able to change my facebook relationship status? Don’t know.

I want a man who loves me unconditionally, along with all of my faults. Someone that makes me feel beautiful and makes me want to be more feminine.  Will I settle for anything less? Most likely not. Love is a portion of life not worth settling for. Maybe that’s the reason for so many divorces? Too many dang people settling.

If you find true love I believe you can make marriage last. I also believe that marriage should be a once in a lifetime experience. I want to be married once and only once. I want to end life with the same man I begin it with.

Sometimes, I’m scared I’ll die alone with 15 dogs and cats. Scared that I won’t find love. (probably why I try to rush it) Ha, and I was talking about being scared of falling in love! Maybe I’m more scared of falling in love with the wrong person. Maybe that’s why there are so many divorces. People fall in love with the wrong person. Because, nowadays, we aren’t being taught about true love anymore. Kids today get with SWAG. Swag makes me want to punch them in the face.

A question most people ask the universe: Will I find love? The second: When will I find love?

makes you feel all alone

I believe that this picture says it all. Maybe I should stop focusing on trying to find love, on trying not to end up alone. Right now, I don’t feel alone. So why can’t I just live with that and let love surprise me. Love will come on it’s own with the person it’s meant to be with. I should stop considering myself as a single person and maybe start thinking that I’m just one of millions of people trying not to feel alone. And with that, I bring quotes!

“There is no reward without risk, even in matters of the heart.”

“Don’t put a face on love.”

gotta do something never done

Maybe one day love will come to me, maybe not. But until then, I will live and enjoy life. I won’t concentrate on trying to find love and just think about all the people that already do love me. Friends and family. 🙂

Sincerely,

LifeBlocked